Have you ever wondered what happens when a car breaks down in the lion enclosure at a safari park? Of course you have; everyone has. It’s one of those throwaway comments that inevitably gets made in just about every vehicle that wheels its way through.
‘Wouldn’t like to break down here,’ someone jokes as the big cats lazily eye them up.
‘Definitely not,’ the others laugh compliantly.
Well it turns out that it’s pretty unspectacular. No lions jumping through windscreens or circling the stricken vehicle while its inhabitants cower in fear. Just a well executed safety protocol and a long line of cars queueing angrily behind.
We were part of that queue on a day trip during which we also took in the magnificent Festival of Lights. In truth, though, winter is not the best time to see the safari park. Many of the animals, evolved for the great sun-baked plains of Africa, appear a little reticent, understandably seeming to feel that something is slightly amiss in the wind and rain of a Wiltshire December.
The elephant hid away in her barn; the giraffes were nowhere to be seen; and the zebras, camels and co. who were outside stood around looking a bit miffed as they blinked away the chilly drizzle.
But please don’t take this as a high-minded criticism of the nature of safari parks: such places are vital for inspiring people about the majesty of these beautiful animals and educating visitors who would never normally encounter them in the importance of conservation. And Longleat’s animals are kept in excellent conditions and are very well looked after. I’m simply saying that they aren’t quite at their sparkly best in the winter, compared to when they are lounging in the warm summer sun.
Not everyone minded the weather, though. The monkeys were on their usual form, clambering over cars and smearing the windows with something which may or may not have been mud. The deer roved proudly across the grass and the ostriches just did their thing, probably quite relieved to not be under scorching sun while dressed up in all those feathers.
But it was when we got to the big cats that things started to go properly wrong. The tigers, in my mind the most incredible of all wild animals, were locked up in their cage rather roaming their enclosure. The first of the lion pens, meanwhile, seemed completely empty except for the stationary line of cars we found ourselves at the back of.
After around half an hour of painful crawling, we finally discovered that the reason for all this was a carload of broken down Irishmen. The keepers stood around looking like they had not a care in the world, their ease of demeanour allowed by the fact that the lions too had been caged.
It was by no means the park’s fault- if anything it’s reassuring to know they deal so efficiently with a potentially tricky situation- but the unfortunate circumstances added up to an experience which was frustrating and underwhelming.
Don’t let that put you off, though, because when all goes well it really is a fun day out, especially in the summer. And in the winter months, the Festival of Lights alone is more than worth the trip, regardless of whether or not you even visit the safari park at all. And even when it all goes as wrong as it did for us, it’s not all bad: at least we now found out the reality behind all those jokes.
Cover photo: Longleat.co.uk
That Cluckin' Bustard 